Redemption

                                             When I reflect on my memories of life with my late father I remember that my Daddy always took the time to make sure we were alright. Ever since he passed away I have felt as if a piece of me was missing. I am grateful that my Sister and I were able to experience the positive joy of having our Dad in our lives.


                                            As I age I have learned alot of what my Dad was trying to teach me. He always said "to do your best and it was enough". He said "three things in life are non-negotiable-you're born, you die and you have to pay taxes". I love my father so much and as everyone knows I look just like him. It was a curse during his life but in the end it is such a blessing! I miss my father but I know he lived a full life and when it was over he left a legacy of love, laughter and wisdom. My father lives on through our family and I know he guides me from above just like I know my name.
                                         
                                     The only thing I wish was that we had more time. And that we woukd of taken more photographs. I carry him in my heart always and I know one day we will meet again. I love you Daddy and miss you so much. I thank you for teaching me independence and self-worth. For encouraging education and fostering my growth. Even your death taught me that no matter what you do in life good or bad in the end love tells your story and redemption is attainable. Happy Father's Day Daddy xoxo

Happiness Comes from Within

        I took a hiatus with my Blog because as the seasons changed and Summer began to show her presence I needed some time to reconfigure ME. Although born in July I really other than my birthday didn't like Summer but this past winter not only brought frigid temperatures to my region but it was a defining time in my life.

       I have grown so much this year. I have stepped out of my comfort zone and am embracing life and living each day on my own terms. I have issues as we each do. I just choose to live each day aware of the gift that it is. I will not allow anyone or anything to steal my joy or rain or my proverbial parade. Some days or better than others but I am learning that if you don't let negativity in then there isn't any space to plant a root and feed off of your joy.

       I can only speak for myself but life is so much sweeter when you just breathe. I am not a magician and I don't have a recipe for bliss. My family, faith and friends bring me so much joy! God has blessed me in unimaginable ways and He is The Redeemer. I am letting Him lead and I will never again compromise who I AM for anyone again. In order to grow you must take a look at who you are and what you want. I just KNOW that in the end if you do your best it is good enough. My journey has taught me that things and people change-don't dwell on the past or your pain just move on and bring the lesson-because every person you encounter has a lesson to teach you if you just listen to the whispers(in my Oprah voice).

    Dr. Angelou's passing showed me what a life well lived will produce. Did she brag about being the first female African-American conductor? Did she name drop about being in Ghana with Brother Malcolm or being half of "Al & Rita" with Alvin Ailey? Did she boast of orchestrating pivotal events for the Southern Christian Leadership Conference? Did she stunt about marrying a man regardless of his ethnicity when we live in a time where people can't even commit to a relationship exclusively on Facebook. In the end her words will live in infamy and if it is God's Plan mine will also. I just KNOW in order to be the best ME I can be(hey that rhymes) I must let go of my fears, inhibitions and the people, places and things that no longer serve me.

  It amazing how much energy and time we waste on bullshit. At least I DID. Not anymore. Life is too short and I am tired of being tired. Drained from drama and inconsequential nonsense. At the end of the day someone else's opinion of you is none of your concern. I KNOW I am a Phenomenal Woman-that's ME.

Man in the Mirror

     I haven't posted an entry for a while. I am humbled and appreciative that so many find inspiration and strength from my writing. Also from me as a person. My journey although unique is in no way any harder than anyone else. See I have come to realize that God gives everyone exactly what they need, on HIS TIME.

   Life is not a popularity contest. What others think of you is none of your concern. You only get one life and each day is a gift. I cannot emphasize that enough. Don't waste it on nonsense and pointless bullshit. Just live life with the best intentions and a kind heart. Embrace the good and block out the negativity. At the end of the day God is The Author of your entry in The Book of Life and He sees all. Be a blessing in some one's life today starting with your own.

Fearless and Authentic

              So much has happened in my life since my last entry. No matter what I am going through I still find the strength to keep going. I have to. Although it's hard I MUST. When I started this Blog it was meant to inform, enlighten and entertain. I also created it as an outlet for my need to write on a continuous basis.

             As I travel along life I am learning valuable lessons. One thing that I have come to know is that joy can be found in the most unconventional places. All you have to do is be open to it. It can be found in the little things.


            Every one is going through something. Class, race, gender, socio-economic distinction in no way determines what fate or lot we are dealt in life. Look at the Carters. They are going through the motions just like everyone else. And everyone is in their business. Just like everyone else.
       

         The main reason why I respect and admire Jay-Z is because he didn't let his upbringing and the circumstances in which he was born into define him. He is a man, nothing less but more in many ways. That he is known in Far Rockaway and in France.I don't know the specifics of the latest incident but I do know the logistics of family quarrels and at the end of the night it usually ends in a diner unless you can afford to call a restaurant owner and wake him up to make you some eggs.....


                  Spring has sprung and for me a new Kim has emerged. All the dedication, loyalty and love I hold in my heart is pure. See I don't have an agenda. I just try to make a way for as many as I possibly can. I am also not selfish. I used to be selfish, I admit that. You end up alone with materialistic things.

                 With God's Grace I will turn 37 years old this Summer. I
 Thank God I don't look like what I have been through. Social media has gotten a lot of people screwed up. We are not just filtering our pictures, we are filtering our lives. Misconstrued and twisted realities.  I am thankful for every test, every lesson and all the knowledge that my trials and tribulations have given me.

              Let go and let God. Be still and leave your heart and mind open to your blessings. At the end I used to dread going to work. Not like we all do at times but I knew that it wasn't what I needed to do any longer. God knew it to. I help people. I always have but now I do it on a regular basis. A young man I mentor in my neighborhood just got a great job and the joy in his eyes when he told me let me know I am exactly where I need to be.
           

What I know for sure

                                  Make no mistake about it-the life we want we must design. A constant in my life is God and all He has planned for me and what He will manifest on HIS TIME. I also have an obligation to diligently work proactively to contribute to my success. Each step towards a goal is worthy of gratitude.

                                 Sometimes we are put in situations to test our tolerance and create within us an ability to adapt. If everything always stayed the same we would never grow. If we never step out of our comfort zone and stay snuggled in a cocoon of complacency then are we TRULY living?

                                I KNOW how many people read my Blog. It is tracked. I hope that each of you that read my words feel the authenticity of what I share. I am constantly evolving. The person I was last year I don't think I would even recognize. The one thing I am working on the most is getting out of my own way. The letting go of past hurts and not holding grudges is a thing of the past. I truly don't give a fuck. If you are with me on this journey then be prepared for the ride of your life. In order for me to succeed I have to create the things that are needed to make it happen.


                           I am also true to myself. That was missing for a long time. Outwardly I may appear narcissistic, even a tad bit conceited. I rarely put myself first though. It got to the point where if I don't focus on me who will? What I know for sure is that this is it! One life, numerous chances and countless redemption's. It is up to each of us to find purpose and passion in everything. Above all remain true to yourself. If you have a dream actively pursue it and don't let anyone including yourself derail you from achieving it.

                  I hope today and everyday is full of peace, prosperity and joy for each of you. Spring has sprung and the air is warmer. The birds are chirping and the flowers are in bloom. We each owe it to ourselves and one another to sing the song God has placed inside of our soul. May today be the blessing to you that it is to me.          

A New Day

I know it may sound cliche but it's never too late to start anew. Each day and it's Dawn offers the ability to start over. I think that as time goes on many people forget that. We each have the ability to reinvent ourselves. No matter what we have been through in life we can change our circumstances. It starts with changing our attitude.

Have you ever seen someone who despite their situation they GLOW? That every time they open their mouths positivity is what they spout and when you leave them YOU feel better. I have spent most my life helping others and giving back. That will continue. I just have decided to take the time for me and work on being a better me. In order to be the BEST mother, daughter, partner, sister, aunt, niece, godmother and friend that I possibly can I must remain committed to taking care of myself.

I lost some weight. It wasn't that hard. I started moving, walking, drinking water, watching what I eat. I started writing. It wasn't hard. I started carrying a journal and pen with me. Rereading books from my past. Attending workshops, taking webinars, going to the library. I am a procrastinator. I wait for the last minute for everything. Shit I didn't fully grasp that I was going to be a Mother until I woke up to go to the hospital. I just refuse to let life pass me by. I will not let my creative and emotional spirit lay dormant.

The life we each have is designed by God. From the Creator we are given a blank canvass. What we do with this unique gift is up to us. Someone said to me recently " Kim, I know you want to be rich and famous". YEAH I do! All my life I have, since I was little yes I have. My teachers, family and friends have always encouraged me. As I age honestly I would rather just be rich, the fame isn't important. I just want my words to be seen by as many people as possible. That the life that I was given shall stand as a testament of my tenacious spirit.

I am currently reading Iyanla Vanzant's " One Day my Soul Just Opened Up". I have had it for years. I kept starting it, but it comes with a commitment of 40 days and 40 NIGHTS with assignments. It is forcing me to think, listen and meditate. The one thing that I have truly taken with me thus far is that what we seek is already placed inside up by the Creator. God has to be the driving force in our lives.

I am also learning that my past in no way, shape or form dictates my future. My present circumstances are the only thing that I need to concentrate on. Not worry about but focus on. I also am learning I can't be EVERYTHING to everyone. It's impossible. I just am thankful for the love and lessons I have accumulated over the years. I feel like I am growing into the person that God has cultivated from my conception. I feel renewed and above all blessed. A new day has dawned.

Friendship

       The ties that bind. Friendship is one of the best parts of life. One of the great parts about aging, is that you are able to recognize, distinguish the real from the fake. I am not going to go into a long tirade about past wrongs and betrayals-I am just going to drop a few jewels that I picked up over the years.

      True friends don't STAY mad. I mean no matter what transpired, when you get that call about a crisis, calamity, disaster, you are there. When my father died, illness, when things go wrong you are shown the truth about people. Listen to the whispers(in my Oprah voice).

      If you feel like you have to censor yourself around someone they are not your true friend. People will steal business opportunities, job offers, everything. Case in point. I was in a store with someone who hangs with a former friend of mine. They became friends AFTER we stopped being friends. I never hung out with this person, don't know her from a can of paint. Yet she had such animosity radiating from her being towards me. Hmmmmm.

          True friends compliment and complete you. No matter WHAT is going on they are there. My best friend had a emergency but no matter what she made it home to wish my son a happy birthday. She knows the depth of my love and adoration for my child. See what people fail to realize about life is that the little things matter. Having a shoulder to cry on. To be able to turn to someone and expose your shortcomings. To be raw and seek comforts for your wounds. Never throwing up in your face what they did for you.

           I am thankful for the fake friends, vultures, frenemies and negative people I have come into contact with. The ones who are quick to spend your money but when they got some they are out. Or will sell your secrets for a drink. I am an amazing person. Of course there are going to be some haters. It is a given. It however will not be tolerated in my circle. My home used to stay busy. I rarely entertain now unless it's my family or close friends.

       I am far from perfect. To know me is to love me though. It used to hurt when people I thought knew my story to my glory shit on me but it's all apart of life. For every fake friend I eliminated or who was purged from my life through something, their departure made space for me to embrace a genuine, loving and positive person.

      I also don't desire new people getting close to me. If I learned nothing else at all over the last few years I have learned that less is more. Everything in life is geared to teach you something. Chaos comes from not having peace in your life. Eliminate the negatives and concentrate on the positives. If our goals are not aligned then what is the use of being around each other.

       I am very loyal. It is a trait I used to detest but I see it in my son and I admire him for it. He has some great friends. They are great kids. They remind me that no matter what point we each start off from if we are determined to take this journey together and remain true and real with each other than the possibilities are endless.